Oath of Friendship

[presto]

Friend,

When you are sad....I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

When you are blue...I'll try to dislodge whatever it is that is choking you.

When you smile...I'll know you finally got laid.

When you are scared...I will rag you about it every chance I get.

When you are worried...I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.

When you are confused...I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass.

When you are sick...stay the hell away from me until you're well again. I don't want whatever you have.

When you fall...I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

REMEMBER THESE TWO THINGS:
1. A good friend will help you move your furniture. Your best friend will help you move a body.
2. A good friend will be there to bail you out of jail. Your best friend will be the one sitting next to you saying, "That was f***ing awesome!"